For the lucky ones, he is terrible at home and outside, he is an angel. For the less fortunate among you, he is terrible everywhere and all the time. Some children can put us in acute states of anger and stress. The problem is that very often in this situation, the state of the adult is only the consequence of a behavior of the child and inevitably when one does not know any more how to make with this small being, the child does not not calm down and it's the beginning of an infernal cycle. Discover tips to calm things down and improve the quality of family communication.
He systematically refuses to listen to you, he never wants to work, he provokes you and seeks confrontation? She tests the limits and is ready to put herself in all her states to get what she wants? There are a thousand and one situations where children will put adults in difficulty. We will then try to understand them in order to be able to help them and help ourselves at the same time.
3 Tips to Handle Behavioral Problems in Children
1. Stay Calm and Assertive
- Why it’s important? As the adult, maintaining authority is crucial in diffusing crisis situations. Many arguments escalate because emotions take over, leading to shouting and door-slamming.
- How to handle it? Avoid lengthy negotiations. Parenting decisions are not up for debate. Your child might find them unfair, but as a parent, you know what’s best.
- Example: if your child struggles with frustration, like stopping a game before dinner, anticipate the reaction. Instead of abruptly ending their activity, involve them in a productive task like helping in the kitchen or setting the table—even if done poorly. The goal is to encourage obedience.
- Practical tip: give clear, simple instructions one at a time to avoid overwhelming the child. If the situation becomes unmanageable, change the environment, but ensure the child understands they cannot achieve their demands by acting out.
2. Assess the Risks Before Escalating
- Why it’s important? During conflicts, emotions can run high, increasing the likelihood of unintended consequences. For example, a child storming out of the house in anger could face serious risks.
- How to handle it? Before resorting to punishment, evaluate if the conflict warrants escalation. Often, behavioral issues stem from the child’s own struggles and inability to cope.
- Practical tip: introduce a pause by sending the child to their room to calm down. Address the issue once emotions have subsided, as children are more receptive after the heat of the moment. Avoid reprimanding them in front of others to prevent feelings of humiliation or defensiveness.
3. Distinguish Normal Opposition from Behavioral Disorders
- Why it’s important? Some behaviors, like testing limits or saying “no,” are part of normal development (e.g., the "terrible two" phase). However, persistent opposition could indicate a deeper issue, such as Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD).
- Signs of concern:
- Passive opposition. Appears to comply but avoids following through.
- Active opposition. Refuses instructions outright without fear.
- Passive-aggressive opposition. Obeys reluctantly but reacts negatively, sometimes violently toward others.
- Practical tip: consult a child psychiatrist or neuropsychologist if such behaviors persist. Professionals can diagnose and suggest tailored interventions, often starting with cognitive assessments.
The different daily children behaviors disorders that can alert
- The child has trouble managing his emotions and is often angry
- He almost systematically challenges what adults say
- Does not respect adult authority
- He provokes others
- He is always the victim of injustice and feels misunderstood
- He is often susceptible
Do not hesitate to admit being totally overwhelmed by the behavior of your child and not knowing what to do. In the most suitable solutions, social skills groups and a psycho-education type follow-up are the best solution. This will allow the child to be able to work on managing his emotions, see in others in small numbers what he is also accused of, understand his mode of operation and accept that he must make efforts in certain areas without to erase oneself completely by being in devaluation.
👉 Discover my article about the Neuropsychological Assessment.
What are the most common behavioral disorders in children?
As a neuropsychologist, some of the most frequently encountered behavioral disorders in children include:
- Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). Characterized by inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity that interfere with daily functioning.
- Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD). Marked by persistent defiance, argumentative behavior, and difficulty accepting authority.
- Conduct Disorder (CD). Involves more severe behavioral issues, such as aggression toward others, property destruction, lying, or stealing.
- Anxiety Disorders. Though typically emotional in nature, anxiety can manifest as behavioral issues like avoidance, irritability, or defiance.
- Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). Often involves difficulties with social communication and behavior regulation, sometimes presenting as meltdowns or rigidity.
- Adjustment Disorders. Triggered by stress or changes in a child’s environment, leading to temporary behavioral issues.
- Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder (DMDD). Severe temper outbursts that are out of proportion to the situation.
Early intervention is critical for effective management, as untreated disorders can lead to more complex challenges later in life.
Can kids grow out of behavioral problems?
Children can often grow out of certain behavioral problems, particularly those tied to developmental stages. For example, tantrums and defiance during the "terrible twos" or mood swings in early adolescence are typically temporary and linked to a child's natural exploration of boundaries. As children mature and their cognitive and emotional regulation skills develop, many of these behaviors fade. Environmental factors, such as changes in routine, stress, or major life transitions, can also contribute to temporary behavioral challenges that resolve when stability is restored.
However, more persistent or severe behavioral problems, such as those associated with ADHD, Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), or Conduct Disorder, are less likely to disappear on their own. While children may not completely outgrow these conditions, timely interventions (such as therapy, structured routines, and sometimes medication) can significantly improve their ability to manage symptoms and adapt. Early support from parents, teachers, and professionals plays a crucial role in determining whether these challenges evolve into lifelong difficulties or become manageable aspects of a child's development.