We know that exam time is often a source of tension, both for children and parents. However, with the right support and the right methodology, it's possible to turn this stage into a constructive and calming experience. Here are some practical tips to support your child/teen during this important time.
But before that, a few reminders:
We often try to avoid stress before, during, and just after exams, for example, when we're waiting for the results. However, stress is a normal and actually quite healthy reaction in this situation.
The brain is permeable to emotions and emotions allow us to regulate our actions by enabling this bridge between will and actions. Let's take fear, this emotion is initially present to protect us from danger. This is why we are going to be afraid of heights, afraid of fire, etc. However, this emotion can very quickly take up a lot of space and affect our level of reason and logic when it is moderately controlled (https://gabriel-rafi.com/anxiety-in-adolescents-and-children-understanding-and-supporting/). So yes, it is quite normal when a child or adolescent is going to be somewhat afraid of exams. It will also be important for them to be able to identify their fears to help them see things more clearly. They are afraid of failing, afraid of being ashamed, afraid of disappointing, afraid of having to repeat a year. The brain automatically thinks about all of this, because the different school systems have taught it this. Bad grade = failure. Therefore, low self-esteem, vulnerable person which means a person in danger. But to overcome this fear, the brain itself will provide several solutions: stress and motivation.
Yes, stress is a normal reaction that will allow the person to be able to define their priorities by occupying a large part of their thoughts. I am stressed about exams so I should normally spend more time revising for my exams rather than going to eat ice cream with a friend (non-stressful activity). Stress would therefore allow getting to work if it is gauged correctly and used effectively. Otherwise, stress itself becomes another factor in difficulties in being able to concentrate. Therefore It will be essential to use stress as a driving force to organize your schedule and devote the necessary time to the work required. Very often, we try to fight this stress or deny the fears that persist behind this feeling and therefore we somatize (stomach aches, headaches, sweating, etc.) or develop inappropriate behaviors (OCD, ICT, irregular diet, lots of sugar, etc.) because we want to succeed at all costs without taking the time to concretely understand what is happening in our brain. Which inevitably leads to even less concentration and therefore less ability to succeed...and therefore even more stress and so on.
If we feel like we are not stressed or if our brain refuses to want to develop stress for something important, then we must necessarily take the time to find sources of motivation (https://gabriel-rafi.com/how-to-maintain-your-motivation-and-be-consistent-in-your-decision-making/) that will lead us to make the necessary effort to obtain what we want. Very often, children who have high intellectual abilities will also have difficulty managing all these emotions around exams. So for some of them it will become a matter of life or death and for others they are in total avoidance of getting to work. Generally it is this excess of emotions that leads to procrastination and inappropriate behaviors during this period. This is also the case for children who have had difficulties with learning during the school year. It will then be necessary to lay the foundations and find several motivations together. For example, we want to prove to others that we will succeed, we want to reach a certain level of education, we want to stay with our friends, etc.
As you can see, active engagement during this period is inevitable. We keep in mind the pillars of learning: attention, engagement, feedback and consolidation. So, embrace the emotions and move forward with them.
Now, here are some practical tips to help your child study:
Create a work-friendly environment
You can help your child prepare for this work-friendly environment. A teenager won't necessarily tell you they need advice or help, but if you give them guidance without them having to think about implementing the revision strategy, it will help them get started. Ideally, you'll want to find a quiet, well-lit, and organized space that promotes concentration. Help your child set up a dedicated study space, away from distractions like the television or cell phone.
Establish a realistic revision schedule
For younger students, they haven't yet acquired the skill to properly plan their revision. For older students, they often feel too lazy to plan anything if it requires effort or isn't something that interests them. So, work with your child to plan revision sessions in advance. A good schedule:
- Takes into account rest and leisure time.
- Alternates subjects to avoid boredom.
- Includes active revision time (worksheets, exercises, quizzes).
The goal is to reassure the child by showing them that the work is distributed and mastered.
Encourage an effective study method
Rote learning isn't always the best option. Help your child:
- Make summary cards.
- Reformulate lessons in their own words.
- Use mind maps.
- Practice with past papers or sample topics.
Encourage active learning rather than simply passive reading.
Incorporate regular breaks
The brain needs breaks to assimilate information. The 50/10 rule (50 minutes of work, 10 minutes of break) works well for children from middle school onward. During breaks, prioritize relaxing activities: walking, drawing, or listening to soft music.
Pay attention to good sleeping and nutrition
A tired or malnourished child retains less information. Make sure they get enough sleep (at least 8 hours) and eat a balanced diet: fruits, vegetables, protein, and good hydration are essential for concentration. Obviously, during this revision period, sleep and nutrition are often affected by stress, but you must do your best to maintain a healthy rhythm while taking the time to consider the underlying stress.
Stay attentive without putting pressure on them.
Be available to listen, reassure them, and put the issues into perspective. Value their efforts more than their results. Avoid comparisons with other children, which can increase stress. The key is to be present without being overbearing. Show your child that you are all involved in the exams and that you also support them through your own changes in routine during this revision period (a quieter house, being more attentive if the child needs to let off steam, fewer household chores during this revision period, etc.).
Conclusion
By establishing a revision routine, encouraging effective methods, and ensuring your child's well-being, you help them develop both self-confidence and independence. A relaxed mind learns better.