Very often in consultation, I see parents who come in for their child and, during the very first appointment, end up speaking about their own childhood comparing experiences and daring to admit that they, too, have questions about their own condition. When this happens, I usually invite parents to focus first on their child, and we then address their own situation later, after providing them with the necessary information to better understand the diagnostic process and the elements related to a potential atypical profile.
When a child is identified as neurodivergent whether autistic, ADHD, dyslexic, or presenting another atypical way of functioning it often marks a turning point in family life. Parents then embark on a journey of understanding, adaptation, and sometimes advocacy to ensure their child is recognized and respected.
But for many, another question arises, more quietly, almost unexpectedly:
“What if I am neurodivergent too?”
A question that can feel unsettling… yet is far from uncommon.
A more common question than we think
Many parents discover the concept of neurodiversity through their child. As they read descriptions, talk with professionals, or connect with other families, some suddenly recognize themselves in what they are learning.
Difficulty tolerating noise or chaos, intense social fatigue, a lifelong feeling of being “out of sync,” a need for routines, emotional hypersensitivity or, on the contrary, attention difficulties…
So many traits that, for a long time, were normalized, minimized, or interpreted as personal flaws.
Neurodivergence does not begin in adulthood. It has always been there, but it may have been compensated for, masked, or overlooked especially in generations who grew up without references or diagnoses.
Asking the question without self-doubt
Questioning one’s own way of functioning is not a challenge to one’s parenting abilities. Quite the opposite.
For some parents, this realization brings:
- a sense of relief,
- a better understanding of long-standing difficulties,
- reduced guilt,
- a new perspective on their exhaustion.
This is not about rushing to self-diagnose or labeling oneself. It is, above all, about allowing oneself to understand.
Observing your day-to-day functioning
Before any formal steps, many specialists recommend a simple approach: compassionate observation.
- Which daily situations drain my energy the most?
- Which environments are particularly challenging for me?
- What do I truly need to feel calm and regulated?
- What strategies have I developed sometimes since childhood to adapt?
Reading accounts from neurodivergent adults, listening to podcasts, following specialized resources, or keeping a journal can already help put words to feelings that have long remained unclear.
What impact does this have on parenting?
Being a possibly neurodivergent parent can explain certain specific challenges: sensory overload from noise, chronic fatigue, difficulty handling the unexpected, or a sense of misalignment with conventional parenting norms.
But it can also be a powerful strength:
- deep empathy for one’s child,
- an intuitive understanding of their needs,
- heightened attention to emotional safety,
- a more authentic, less normative approach to parenting.
Many neurodivergent children feel profoundly understood by a parent who shares consciously or not a similar way of functioning.
Seeking support, if needed
When the question becomes overwhelming or parental burnout is significant, seeking support can be helpful: a psychologist trained in neurodiversity, parent groups, associations, or specialized resources.
Asking for help is not an admission of failure. It is often a first step toward a more balanced daily life.
Should an adult diagnosis be considered?
For some parents, a diagnosis can feel liberating, finally putting words to a life journey. For others, it is neither necessary nor desired.
There is no obligation. Understanding how you function and adapting your life to your needs is possible with or without an official diagnosis.
A powerful message passed on to your child
Recognizing your own differences also sends an essential message to your child:
“You have the right to be yourself. I am learning to understand myself better too.”
Parenting rooted in self-acceptance then becomes a powerful lever for supporting a neurodivergent child with respect, consistency, and humanity.
In conclusion
If this question has crossed your mind, it is not by chance. It deserves to be welcomed with gentleness, without pressure or judgment.
There is no such thing as a perfect parent only attentive parents, on a journey. And sometimes, it is by learning to better understand ourselves that we are best able to support our children. It is a matter of understanding and awareness. By developing a clearer understanding of those around us, we also learn how to support them better, when to set boundaries, when to accept certain behaviors, and how to continually move toward better emotional regulation, increased self-confidence, and greater autonomy.
