In the previous article, we saw the case of parents who asked too much for their child's opinion, today we will see the case of parents who try to impose too many things on their child.
While it is natural to want to guide children, when this veers into coercion or the imposition of a particular point of view – whether it is a choice of food, clothing, musical tastes or anything else – it can backfire. Children may feel like their individuality is being suppressed, leading to resentment or rebellion. Over time, this can impact their self-esteem as they struggle to develop their own identity in a context where they feel they must conform to the expectations set by others.
We will therefore see that parental education is often based on a subtle balance between support and the imposition of choices. Some parents, concerned with ensuring the well-being and success of their children, tend to impose their decisions in various aspects of their lives: studies, leisure activities, social relationships, even professional careers. But how far should we go? And what are the consequences of such an approach, both for the child and for the parents themselves in the long term?
We will also see the importance of parents' ability to adapt to the age of their child, the environment in which the family operates and the continuity of family values and principles.
The benefits of structured parental guidance
It is undeniable that rigorous parental supervision can offer certain advantages to children. Indeed, parents often have more experience and can anticipate the difficulties their children might face. By directing them towards choices that they consider beneficial, they allow them to take advantage of opportunities that they might not have seized on their own.
1- Increased security and stability
A child who grows up with clear guidelines and precise instructions can feel secure. Knowing that his parents make decisions based on his best interests can strengthen his sense of protection and help him build on solid foundations. The child obviously needs this and even more before the age of 8.
2- Gaining experience and opportunities
Parents can offer their children opportunities they never expected, such as enrolling them in music lessons, directing them towards promising studies or avoiding potentially harmful relationships. In some cases, this allows them to acquire skills and cultural background that will promote their future success. The child will want to suggest certain things but the parents have a better knowledge of what could be useful, interesting or not, for the child. Again, mainly when it involves a young child. Of course, even during adolescence, parents will remain decision-makers and it will be necessary to bring them in a subtle way to make them accept these choices.
The harms of excessive control
While imposing certain choices can be beneficial, excessive parental control can also have negative effects on the development and fulfillment of children.
1- A lack of confidence and autonomy
When parents systematically make decisions for their children, they may have difficulty developing their own capacity for judgment and taking initiative. This can lead to a lack of self-confidence and great difficulty managing their autonomy once they become adults or even younger from adolescence for daily life tasks.
2- Frustration and psychological discomfort
A child forced to follow a path he did not choose can feel deep frustration. Ultimately, this can lead to stress, anxiety, or even a total rejection of parental authority. Some develop a feeling of suffocation and end up rebelling against the values and aspirations imposed by their parents. This point must even speak to some of you if you think back to your own experience.
The long-term impact on the parent-child relationship
The decisions imposed during childhood are not without consequences on the future relationship between parents and children. Once they become adults, they take a step back and evaluate the role of their parents in their journey.
Recognition or resentment
Some children, as adults, end up understanding and appreciating the direction imposed by their parents, especially if it allowed them to achieve success and stability. Others, however, develop deep resentment, feeling they have been deprived of their free will and authenticity.
A distance or a rapprochement
A child who has felt excessive pressure from his parents may, once an adult, distance himself, seeking to free himself from this influence. Conversely, well-balanced support, combining advice and freedom of choice, often promotes a peaceful and complicit relationship between parents and children.
—> Finding a good balance : dialogue and support
Rather than systematically imposing their choices, parents have every interest in favoring dialogue and support. Encouraging the child to express his desires, offering him informed advice without forcing him, makes it possible to reconcile protection and personal development. Generally, it would be wise to say that it would be good to know how to take an interest in the child's life, while letting him choose but maintaining the right to give his opinion and provide him with more information to stimulate his thirst for learning. A child naturally wants to share his world with you and we, adults, are interested in his/her world. We ask questions, play the game. So even when it comes to things that are not true, fantastic or that do not correspond to our thoughts, we first receive what the child wants to share, without judgment, and we allow ourselves to share our opinion without trying to impose it.
Encourage progressive decision making
Letting children make their own choices, even on small, everyday matters, helps them develop their sense of responsibility and their capacity for discernment. Parents can guide without imposing, explaining the potential consequences of each option.
Demonstrate listening and flexibility
A child who feels listened to and respected in his choices will be more inclined to accept his parents' advice. Rather than imposing a set path, it is beneficial to open dialogue and adapt decisions according to the child's aspirations.
Accept the evolution and individuality of the child
Every child is unique and has their own path to follow. Parents must accept that their children may have aspirations different from theirs and respect their personal development.
Conclusion
The excessive imposition of parental choices can be a double-edged sword: while it can offer guidance and opportunities, it can also stifle the child and harm his autonomy and his future relationship with his parents. Finding a balance between guidance and freedom is essential to help children grow peacefully and fully flourish, while preserving harmonious long-term family ties.
Parents are important role models, but the key is balance. To find a good balance, you will also need to listen to your child. Imposing extreme beliefs or imposing a lifestyle on children can create internal conflict, as children may feel disconnected from their peers or question their sense of autonomy. This can undermine their confidence, as they may begin to feel that their worth is tied to meeting external standards, rather than developing a self-written self-esteem. This lack of self-confidence can lead to other problems which will be more intense during adolescence when young people look for models other than their parents.